June 6, 2006
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Self-Conscious
Reflecting life, I can say that I am fairly a self-conscious person. I take seriously in what others say about me. I follow people’s advice. I try to be respectful. I try to please them. I constantly have my eyes open for collectibles to decorate my ego house. I seek others to certify my beliefs, intelligence, and beauty. I depend on others to tell me who I am. And because I don’t have a strong foundation, it is difficult for me to hear the opinions of others, particularly those that are not in agreement with my beliefs in fear that they may shake my foundation and my beautifully decorated house would fall down. My ego is always at guard for fear of annihilation. Here is an interesting paradox: Whenever I am self-conscious, I become unconscious. Because I don’t have a real center, I cling to other for my center. I am always concern with what others would say about me. I am constantly searching outside for understanding, support, validation, or approval from others. I am also searching for eprops
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Comments (7)
Very nice entry, I have NO idea that you are this way from all the other posts. But then again, I maybe this way too. Just unconscious of it I guess.
I think we all “mirror” off each other, to a certain extent. If it’s not taken to an extreme, such as someone who is narcissistic (certainly not you), or someone who is extremely insecure (again, not you) I think what you’re describing is pretty normal for most of us. It’s human nature. It’s normal to care about what others think about us. Afterall, haven’t we been told since we were little how valuable a good reputation is? We want people to like us, because we like people. That’s normal, too. No one wants to be thought of as someone who can’t do things; thus we care about our performance. Life is tied to this, such as in school grades through employment evaluations. We also fear rejection. Normal, too. So, MS. Trimtab, you are VERY NORMAL!
Kathi
But you already have a center. Why go looking for one? Now the only question is whether I should give you eprops or not. Oh what the hell! Have a couple of eprops to prevent a total egoic melt down.
I give you million e-props!!!! oppps! I forgot, my e-props are worthless to you. Sorry. But you have an infinity within you that you can use.
Clever post.
tell yourself who you are, or better yet tell yourself that you cant be limited to only one thing.
ok, here are your eProps … lolz
We are insecure when we are vulnerable to other people, and wanting their validation. We want for people to reach into our lives, and pat us, and tell us we are wonderful! That is what we all desire, is people to feed us and tell us nice things.
The difference is, we need to be able to see things as other people’s view of reality, and only take to heart comments or criticsms from truly loved and respected ones near and dear to us. Even then, sometimes we have to “screen” them, and say–Is this okay? Is this how i feel? If it isn’t set it aside. It’s okay to disagree.
People who love us and admire us will do so even if they don’t see eye to eye with us. If you are hungry for outside validation, or even eprops, then it suggests maybe, you are in a growth spurt of Spirit. Accept love from others, from the Universe, from God– and let yourself grow in your own good time.
Hard advice to follow–I have to do this myself!
Keep Growing–
Bully