How to be The Watcher of what happens inside you

Here is a profoundly powerful yet simple way to learn how to be a watcher of what happens inside you, taught by Eckhart Tolle from his book The Power of Now.   He doesn’t put it like I did because he doesn’t like methods, techniques, or anything that has to do with something like: eight powerful ways of learning how to be a watcher of what happens inside you.   This potent tool allows me to enter into the portal of the Now and witness my past pain as it comes up or the “pain-body” as he called it.  It could be taught to kids in school.  I am sharing this with you.  Hopefully this will help you to deal with your “pain-body.”  Once you have understood the basic principle of being presence as the watcher of what happens inside you, you have at your disposal the most potent transformation tool.  This is the power of the Now, the power of your own conscious presence.

1.      Focus attention on the feeling inside you.

2.     Know that it is the pain-body.

3.     Accept that it is there.

4.     Don’t think about – don’t let the feeling turn into thinking

5.     Don’t judge or analyze.

6.     Don’t make an identity for yourself out of it.

7.     Stay present, and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you.

8.     Become aware not only of the emotional pain but also of the “the one who observes, the silent watcher.

You may encounter intense inner resistance to dysidentifying from your pain.  Why?  When you identify with your emotional pain, you make it a as a large of who you are.  There is a fear of loosing your identity (the mind-made fiction of who you are.) Unconscious fear of loosing your identity will create strong resistance to any disidentification.  In other words, you would rather be in pain than take a leap into the unknown and risk loosing the familiar unhappy self.  If this applies to you, do this and the resistance will cease and make it conscious:

1.      Observe the attachment to your pain. 

2.     Be very alert.

3.     Observe the peculiar pleasure you derive from being unhappy.

4.     Observe the compulsion to talk about or think about it.

A few months ago, while staying at our house, my step son called his mother to pick him up because he felt that he was not being appreciated at our house.   His mother couldn’t come because she had taken some sedative medications and was unable to drive.  He had also occasionally mentioned phrase like “nobody loves me.”  The next morning before school, I decided to give him a short talk about acknowledging the good that is already in life (abundance) instead of lack (scarcity).  I basically told him this: 

Denial¹

Denial is looking pass the problem instead of facing it.  Psychologists consider denial the most childish of the three behaviors (control and manipulation) because it is so intimately linked to vulnerability.  The person in denial feels helpless to solve problems, the way a young child feels.   Fear is link to denial and so is the childlike need for love in the face of insecurity.  The underlying idea is “I don’t have to notice what I can’t change in the first place.” 

You can catch yourself going into denial when you experience lack of focus, forgetfulness, procrastination, refusing to confront those who hurt you, wishful thinking, false hope, and confusion.  The main external sign is that others don’t depend on you or turn to you when a solution is needed.  By pulling your attention out of focus, denial defends with blindness.  How can you be accused of failing at something when you don’t even see?  You get pass denial by facing up to painful truths.  Honestly expressing how you feel is the first step.  For something in deep denial, any feeling that make you feel you are unsafe is generally one you have to face.  Denial begins to ends when you feel focus, alert, and ready to participate despite your fear. 

Can you recognize this trait in you?   

1.  From The Book of Secrets by Deepak Chopra. 

Manipulation¹

Manipulation is getting what we want by ignoring or harming the desire of others.  Manipulators use charm, persuasion, coaxing, trickery, and misdirection.  The underlying idea is “I have to fool people to make them give me what I want.”  When they caught up in their ploys, manipulators even imagine they are doing their victim a favor. 

You could catch yourself falling into this behavior when you aren’t listening to other people and ignore what they want, and when you pretend that your desires cost nobody else a price.  There are also external signs.  The presence of a manipulator brings tension, strain, complaints conflict to a situation.  Some people use passive manipulations.  They come up with poor me scenario to coax sympathy and pity out of others.  Or they lay subtle guilt trips to make other thinks that what they want is wrong. 

Manipulation comes to an end when you stop assuming that your desires are all important.  Then you can reconnect with others and begin to trust that their desires might be aligned with yours.  When there’s no manipulations, people feel that what they want counts.  They trust that you are on their side.  You aren’t seen as a performer or a salesperson.  No one feels that he or she is being fooled. 

1.  From The Book of Secrets by Deepak Chopra. 

One of my favorites thing is photography.  I love taking pictures of people and nature.  For the New Year, I took my daughter, her friend, and the dog out for a walk around our neighborhood.  I decided to bring the camera to take some pictures.  Below are the pictures we captured during the walk. 

What is your favorite thing to do?