February 3, 2006
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On Love, Part 1
By J. Krishnamurti
When we say we love somebody, what do we mean? We mean we possess that person. From that possession arises jealousy, because if I lose him or her what happen? I feel empty, lost; therefore I legalize possession; I hold him or her. From holding, possessing that person, there is jealousy; there is fear and all the innumerable conflicts that arise from possession. Surely such possession is not love, is it?
Obviously love is not sentiment. To be sentimental, to be emotional, is not love, because sentimentality and emotion are mere sensations. A religious person, who weeps about Jesus or Krishna, about his guru or somebody else, is merely sentimental, emotional. He is indulging in sensation, which is a process of thoughts, and thought is not love. Thought is the result of sensation, so the person who is sentimental, who is emotional, cannot possibly know love. Again, aren’t we emotional and sentimental? Sentimentality, emotionalism, is merely a form of self-expansion.
To be full of emotion is obviously not love, because a sentimental person can be cruel when his sentiments are not responded to, when his feelings have no outlet. An emotional person can be stirred to hatred, to war, to butchery. A man who is sentimental, full of tears for his religion, surely has no love.
In your own words, explain what it means to love someone.
Comments (14)
To me to love someone is to care about their needs before your own, by that I mean you want them to be happy and their is no agenda for yourself. It is caring for someone at the deepest level. It is hard for me to articulate what I mean, but this is the best i can do.
Laura said it best. ^ Nothing I can really add to that. I am curious what YOU think it means to love someone. Please explain.
Kathi
I have to agree with the everything in the first comment, along with deep respect , compassion, empathy, and in being some what selfless when it comes to love. I dont feel like I “posses” my husband, and I would have to say that my meaning of love would be the comlete opposite of Krishnamurti. I am also curious what you think it means to love someone.
Corie
I have to agree with momo also. I think true love is to care about the other person above yourself.
We can say that true love is to care about others above yourself, but how many people actually live in that state of love, and for how many people is true love an abstract, unrealized ideal? Is intense love toward one person (i.e., a spouse or family member) even considered true love, or is it favoritism, dualism, delusion? What is love if it does not extend unbounded in all directions?
I think Krishnamurti’s dead on – love only occurs at the point where thought and thus the self ceases. Love does not respect persons in the sense of giving them undue importance, but rather allows them to be as they are…
love is … the little things we do to make it easier for the other person … like getting your partner’s lunchbox ready so all he’ll have to do is grab it, cooking chicken noodle soup because he is sick, making sure he is doing okay, texting him in the middle of the day to let him know you love him ….
love is …. knowing he’ll be there to hold my hand whenever i trip or fall, his shoulders are always available when i need a good cry, someone i can talk to, laugh with as we lay in bed in the dark, & fall asleep with our fingers laced together …
love is … a give-n-take but in the end it’s one pool of thoughts, emotions, pains, joys, laughter, suffering … we do not own each other. more like we are an extended part of one another ….
byron wrote — “frienship is love without his wings” …. & i believe it true vice versa
I think true love consists of intimacy, friendship, deep affection and commitment. Religious love is not the same thing it is more like devotion. Judi
To be full of emotion is obviously not love,
I would have to disagree with you. To love is to have immense emotions. When you love someone you may hurt someone or your self. To me love is simply loving someone or something more then yourself. If that means Jesus, Buddha, America, significant other, a child, then you love them. Love knows no boundaries and answers to no one. Its made of Truth, Beauty, and Goodness. Peace.
-Pilgrim of Truth
to take someone as they are, not for what you want them to be
we can have so much emotions, but if we can be happy regardless of what we receive, then I think we truly love something. To me, that is real love.
I very much respect and agree with Krishnamurti’s works/thoughts.
Love to me is to value somebody so much that you are willing to sacrifice some part of yourself for that person without expecting anything in return.
To love someone is to accept the entirety of that person, to accept the entire package, warts and all. Thus, it is possible to love many people, and to love them in different ways.
I think I lived much of my married life looking at my wife as a possesion. That word does not define that early relationship since it was much deeper than that and I gave her all the love that I knew how to give. Today, and I am sure it will change, love is respect and honor for the goodness in her. To truly care of her feelings and emotions because of that respect. To show that respect and honor by listening and being interested in her. This is one of those ineffable topics but a topic I love.
Lenn
Check out this definition from Holmans Bible Dictionary
LOVE
Unselfish, loyal, and benevolent concern for the well-being of another. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul described “love” as a “more excellent way” than tongues or even preaching. The New Testament maintains this estimation of love throughout. The King James Version uses the word charity instead of “love” to translate the Greek word Paul used (agape). The word charity comes from the Latin caritas which means “dearness,” “affection,” or “high regard.” Today, the word charity is normally used for acts of benevolence, and so the word love is to be preferred as a translation of agape. Nevertheless, the reader who comes to the agape of the New Testament with the idea of benevolence in mind is better off than the reader who comes with the idea of physical pleasure and satisfaction.
I feel erros love in times of passion and Phillaio love for my neighbor, but the Love of God, that is of agape, is what we long for. He gave His only Son.