January 3, 2007

• Manipulation¹

   

  Manipulation is getting what we want by ignoring or harming the desire of others.  Manipulators use charm, persuasion, coaxing, trickery, and misdirection.  The underlying idea is “I have to fool people to make them give me what I want.”  When they caught up in their ploys, manipulators even imagine they are doing their victim a favor. 

   

  You could catch yourself falling into this behavior when you aren’t listening to other people and ignore what they want, and when you pretend that your desires cost nobody else a price.  There are also external signs.  The presence of a manipulator brings tension, strain, complaints conflict to a situation.  Some people use passive manipulations.  They come up with poor me scenario to coax sympathy and pity out of others.  Or they lay subtle guilt trips to make other thinks that what they want is wrong. 

   

  Manipulation comes to an end when you stop assuming that your desires are all important.  Then you can reconnect with others and begin to trust that their desires might be aligned with yours.  When there’s no manipulations, people feel that what they want counts.  They trust that you are on their side.  You aren’t seen as a performer or a salesperson.  No one feels that he or she is being fooled. 

   

  Can you recognize this trait in you?   

   

  1.  From The Book of Secrets by Deepak Chopra. 

   

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