I saw Marty while waiting for the elevator on the 15^th floor.  He warmly greeted me with a good big hug.  We got in the elevator together.  As the elevator closed, he reached over, touched my hair, lightly caressed my face, and looked at me with that sweet look, which reminded me of how my husband used to look at me.  Then, he backed off and said, “I am sorry.”  I calmly smiled at him and said, “You can touch and admire me all you want, but you know I don’t feel it.”  

A powerful realization has come to me:  NO ONE, doesn’t matter how enticing, how wonderful, how handsome, sweet, kind, loving, caring, understanding, smart, rich, powerful… can stands between me and my husband, EXCEPT MY OWN THOUGHTS or BELIEFS that I have about him.  This is how powerful love is. 

I guessed he didn’t remember.  I tried to arrange for baby sitter this weekend so we can go to dinner.  I let him know about this dinner a week in advance.  I reminded him the day before.  And when the time come, guess what his response was?  “ Sorry, I am full. ”  Ha,  what a character my ADD husband is!     

Happy 9th Anniversaries Ron Baby!

I love you a bunch.

“I need someone to listen and understand”

When I need someone to listen and understand me and they don’t, I got frustrated and sometimes angry.  I saw my frustration and anger caused by others because they don’t listen and understand me.  I would make subtle criticisms that appear to be caring, justifying that I am trying ‘to help’ them so that they can ’improve.’ And when they still really didn’t learn how to listen and understand me, I gave up.  I became patronizing and bitter, sometimes quiet and sulky.   I felt and behaved like a victim.  I felt separated.  I felt hurt.

The Work of Katie Byron has helped me to question the ‘needy little me’ thoughts.  I inquired and confront this ‘needy little me’ thought and challenged it until it is through.   I can say that when I stop believing the thought that others should listen and understand me, I am listened and understood.  I am allowing others to be who they are.  When I am allowing for them to be, with lots of patience, strangely enough, change occurs.  You see, even when people say, “oh I understand,” or appear to be listening and understanding, you and I can never be sure what it is that they are listening and understanding. 

The fact is that I need to listen and understand myself.  I need to listen and understand others. Why?  It could be that others are hurting and can’t listen and understand me.   I don’t need anyone to listen or understands me. If I am more direct and honest with what I want in my speech and communication with others, it is must simpler for the people who love me to listen and understand where I am coming from.  I am not demanding or criticizing them and making them feel inferior as if there is something wrong with them because they cannot listen and understand me.  I just try to be kind and loving.  I just let them know clearly how I have contributed to the problem.  I know that they want to be listened and understand.  But if I expect any listening and understanding, what important is not that they listen and understand, but what I listen and understand because this is where I am the happiest.  It is not others’ job to listen and understand me.  It is my job to listen and understand me. 

Out studying for the PE exam.  Will be back sometimes around November. 

Love you all.