August 3, 2006
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False Responsibility
It is always flattering to have someone ask us for our opinion about something. But if we offer our opinion without being clear that it is our experience and interpretation, and that it may not work for that person, then we have not acted in a responsible way.
Many people try to get us to agree with them or confirm their way of thinking. Our agreement seems to give their decision a sense of legitimacy. But what they are doing is asking us to become an authority for them. If we become the authority, then whatever happens—good or bad—is our fault. If it’s good, we are put on a pedestal. If it’s bad, we are crucified.
People who ask us for confirmation of their decisions are having difficulty taking responsibility for their own choices. Conversely, when we have a pattern of being an authority figure for others, we often live vicariously through others and postpone the decisions we must make in our own life.
When we say “I know” we are saying that we are an authority for ourselves, if not for others too. When we say “I don’t know,” we are clear that we cannot be an authority for anyone else. We recognize that we cannot be an authority figure even for ourselves, for what has been true for us in the past may not be true for us now.
If you want to know how it applies to you, ask yourself “How often do I make my own decisions and encourage others to do the same?”
Comments (5)
I was going to make a comment on this post, but then I realized that I really don’t have an opinion on this one.
I’m a trained counselor, so I’ve been trained to avoid doing this. Still… with friends I probably do it a little more often than I would like to think.
true – i learn to not say anything until ppl ask me…some friends take that as being ‘cold’ & ‘not caring’ though…YOU CANNOT WIN!!!
The Wise will not Speak for Silence is Golden but the Foolish will Speak as if they are Wise….
I always qualify this is my experience I know a lot of people who do not take responsibility for themselves. Judi