April 27, 2006
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Grieving
Grieving is a healthy aspect of life. Only by learning how to grieve can we hope to leave the past behind and come into the present moment. But in a culture that emphasizes stoicism and forward moment, there is a little toleration for slowness, inwardness, and melancholy. Thus, grieving is often overlooked. The older we get the more we loose; this is the law of impermanence. We lose love ones, dreams, physical strength, work, and relationships. All these losses bring up enormous grief that we must be prepared to embrace completely, if we are to live with an open heart.
Someone once said, God breaks your heart again and again and again until it stays open. To counteract our natural tendency to turn away from pain, we open to it as fully as possible and allow our hearts to break. We must take enough time to remember our losses—be a death of a long-held relationship, homes, career, health… Rather than close ourselves to grief, it helps to realize that we only grieve for what we love.
Xanga is a wonderful outlet for grieving. It can be a ritual site where we can feel safe to pour out the sadness and loss. We should build more temples specifically for the purpose of grieving.
Often, when grieving, we think that it’s over, only to find ourselves swept away by another wave of intense feeling. For this reason, it’s important to be patient with the process and not be in a hurry to put our grief behind us. Deep feelings don’t just disappear completely. Each person’s grief has its own timetable. Ultimately you will come to the truth of the adage that “love is stronger than death.”
Comments (8)
Yes, love is stronger than life itself. =D
Great Post.
We don’t need permission from others to grieve. Or to end our grieving. And timetables are, as you say, different for each of us.
Very well said chi. Anh.
Timely post for me seeing how I am getting on a plane tomorrow to fly to Wisconsin to grieve with my estranged sister over the loss of her 20 year old daughter to suicide.
Lenn
You are right, I was more angry at the situation of rape than him. frustrated beyond belief at the situation of rape. nah, he isn’t my real dad, he just calls himself that. he just likes that nickname I guess? your post, there is so much freedom in allowing yourself to grieve, and its very necessary for emotional health! learning this still, processing through this still. long process….
Grieving takes time and attention to yourself and lots of people do not have permission to give this to themselves. If people knew we are all so different and some of us take a long time to grieve a loss or a situation and had permission to do that then as you said they could a lot more easily let go. Judi
Your last paragraph is particularly touching, to me. You sometimes think you are “over it”, and then? Here it comes, crashing back, another pocket of Greif and loss discovered! I think, real Loss is a lifetime’s process to release and accept, and overcome.
The being open to God’s changing world, and the loss of people and animals we love…the acceptance of this is hard. The helplessness is defeating, until we put our hand in God’s, and trust Him for the future. This is what greif is, i think…trusting and having faith, despite how the pain makes you feel.
No one likes vulnerability. No one likes loss. It hurts.
It really does.