October 16, 2006

  • “I need someone to listen and understand”

     

    When I need someone to listen and understand me and they don’t, I got frustrated and sometimes angry.  I saw my frustration and anger caused by others because they don’t listen and understand me.  I would make subtle criticisms that appear to be caring, justifying that I am trying ‘to help’ them so that they can ’improve.’ And when they still really didn’t learn how to listen and understand me, I gave up.  I became patronizing and bitter, sometimes quiet and sulky.   I felt and behaved like a victim.  I felt separated.  I felt hurt.

     

    The Work of Katie Byron has helped me to question the ‘needy little me’ thoughts.  I inquired and confront this ‘needy little me’ thought and challenged it until it is through.   I can say that when I stop believing the thought that others should listen and understand me, I am listened and understood.  I am allowing others to be who they are.  When I am allowing for them to be, with lots of patience, strangely enough, change occurs.  You see, even when people say, “oh I understand,” or appear to be listening and understanding, you and I can never be sure what it is that they are listening and understanding. 

     

    The fact is that I need to listen and understand myself.  I need to listen and understand others. Why?  It could be that others are hurting and can’t listen and understand me.   I don’t need anyone to listen or understands me. If I am more direct and honest with what I want in my speech and communication with others, it is must simpler for the people who love me to listen and understand where I am coming from.  I am not demanding or criticizing them and making them feel inferior as if there is something wrong with them because they cannot listen and understand me.  I just try to be kind and loving.  I just let them know clearly how I have contributed to the problem.  I know that they want to be listened and understand.  But if I expect any listening and understanding, what important is not that they listen and understand, but what I listen and understand because this is where I am the happiest.  It is not others’ job to listen and understand me.  It is my job to listen and understand me.